Strangely Naked

For this blog, and my previous home of insane thoughts (RIP pickleope.com), I refrain from outright cursing. This isn’t because I dislike cursing–oh no, quite the contrary. If I had to describe my hobbies, it would be: writing absurd idiocy on the internet, mastery of Connect Four, and advanced biomechanics (what? Not believable?). If I had to talk about my true, innate skills, the one thing I would be able to list with confidence is, “precision yet abundant swearing.” I love swearing, almost as much as raccoons love being dicks (not a curse when used non-anatomically).

I don’t tap into my idiot savantism for swearing on this blog, not for moral reasons, but because imposing this limitation forces me to be a little more creative to avoid arbitrary societal condemnation. Also, this blog is for children…hold on, I think I misspelled “childish.” Cursing can be the most appropriate reaction to a situation, a set of swear words can contain the best word for a sentence. Besides, as I alluded to, what some people consider swear words are arbitrary. My grandma used to force my mother to say “lunch bag” because she thought “lunch sack” was dirty.

Sometimes a swear word is the most fun word. Yesterday, my work day started off unexpectedly and beautifully, thanks to the joys of swearing. My CEO pulled into the parking lot at the same time as I did. As we walked into the office, he told me how he had to explain in Spanish to some construction workers that they shouldn’t enter the parking lot through the exit. I explained that most of my Spanish knowledge is relegated to the curse words. I could be considered bilingual if all you wanted to do was know Spanish insults. Apparently, you can’t make a claim like that without inducing some curiosity.

This is how I came to teach my CEO all of the Spanish curse words I know, first thing in the morning. And to my delight, I know a lot of Spanish curse words, and a couple of Italian swears…and how to call people an “American pig” in French. I’m going to take this incident as a beautiful harbinger for the year.

Kids out there, if you are going to try swearing, learn to master it, including becoming bilingual proficient. All vocabulary, including swear words, are a great tool if you know how to use it properly (I’m trying to qualify for a “.edu” on my URL).

What are some of the Spanish curse words? Here’s a link.