I am tired of writing divisive posts. It feels bad when people openly and vehemently disagree with me. Sometimes my complexly simple, airtight arguments are met with ill-conceived, straw-man counterarguments which were already dealt with and disputed in the original post and are wrapped in ad hominem attacks. I don’t need that redundant stress of restating my argument. So, no more. Only completely benign topics that everyone agrees with from now on. I want nothing but positive affirmations.
I’m new to this, so, please give me some leeway. Here we go:
Some drugs are great. Sure, there are addiction issues with any drug, even the softest of drugs, like heroin, but when used in moderation, drugs are fantastic. Take caffeine for instance. Rarely do coffee advocates get shamed for habitually drinking java. Thus, I think we can all agree, some drugs are absolutely spectacular. Thank you for pre-agreeing with me.
Similarly, good food is yummy. But sometimes, some food can be gross.
(Oh jeezus, this is terrible.)
Uh, babies are cute, if they’re your babies. Especially if they’re Asian babies…Is that racist?
(I’m flailing here. How do you choose non-controversial topics? If I just took pictures of my food, people would still be pissed because of how lame and mundane it is, right? Oh crap, I’m doomed.)
Oh no, I’m losing my mind here. Uh. Damn. Uh. Oh no. Uh. PUPPIES AND KITTENS AND PUPPIES AND KITTENS AND PUPPIES AND KITTENS AND BUNNIES AND GOATS THAT SCREAM LIKE PEOPLE.
This sucks. Screw being liked. HEY, guys with beards/people too lazy to shave, learn how to trim that unkempt mess you call a face. Show some effort, gross dudes. Whew, that felt great.
Baristas have no future and we all goofed by not being professional DJ’s! Sorry, I’m sorry, I had to get that out.