I just got done with working twelve days in a row some of those being 12+ hour days. Did I mention my job is salary not hourly? On top of that the only two other people in my department quit. I’m the bellhop still serving food in a burning building. I’m the band on the Titanic. No, worse, I’m the triangle player on Titanic and I lost the metal stick I need to play the triangle but there I sit in the back row, hoping no one notices. On top of that, I am having the hardest time getting a full night of sleep.
Couple that with my already being generally angry at the world and I have turned into one of those boxing kangaroos. I’m real punchy and you don’t know when or where the hits are going to come from. It’s like taking a kangaroo, prodding it with tasers so it can’t sleep, then feeding it Jagermeister and talking to it about politics.
These have been dark days. Pointless arguments that I would normally avoid because there’s no upside and I have better things to do, were instead reprioritized. I argued with someone on the internet! All I had to do is not respond. All I had to do is continue to do what I was doing, nothing. Just keep on shutting up. It’s easy to shut up, so why don’t I continue to not speak? I don’t really care about the validation of the person on the other end of the conversation, I don’t feel like I need their blessings of my opinions, fears, or choices. Let them think they’re morally superior, let them think they have so much more going on. Who cares if “someone is wrong on the internet?” But, instead, I punched good sense in its dumb face and argued with people on the internet, the equivalent of trying to put out a dumpster fire by patting it with your bare hands.
Don’t I have better things to do than argue with a self-righteous, humorless blog-goblins? Obviously not because this poor decision making has extended to real life. I got into a shouting match with a moron in a parking lot. I was trying to turn left out of a lane and he was blocking my way. I turn on my left blinker, he turns on his right blinker. Here’s the problem: the lane I was coming down was one-way. So he’s blocking me trying to exit by going the wrong way down a one-way lane. I roll down my window and yell, “it’s one way.” He responds, “Yeah, going that way,” gesturing the wrong direction. “No, it’s one way going the direction I’m going, hence why the cars are all pointed in one direction, the opposite direction you want to go so just go to the correct lane, the next lane and stop wasting everyone’s time!” He continues to fight against a blatant truth by retorting, “It’s one way that way!” And this is why everyone having guns does not make the world safer. Somebody would have had to have protected me from myself if I had a gun in that moment.
Arguing facts against someone so entrenched in just winning an argument no matter the truth is absurd. So, why the overwhelming compulsion to correct that person? Is it just a narcissism thing? Is the only thing that remains after exhaustion has depleted you of all else is ego? Or does sleepiness make me a grump? In my current state, am I being hyper-aggressive like I need to assert my dominance? If I saw a syphilitic bear with rabies doused in acid, would I feel the need to wrestle it? I better not venture into the woods.