Strangely Naked

In horror movies, the antagonist is always some evil entity, a chainsaw maniac, a dream intruding pedophilic burn victim, a possessed murder doll, etc. But movies are missing some of the greatest horrors people face every day. If you look too deeply at your general existence, you’ll realize that you’re enveloped by an omnipresent evil and plagued by seemingly supernatural terrors.

People are constantly toting around and spawning new tiny sociopathic creatures in constant need leaving a path of destruction in their wake. We, rational human beings, instead of combating these bedlamites like the gremlins they are, we feel compelled to nurture them and accommodate them to the point of our own detriment. The most sinister villain of all is the one who tricks you into damaging yourself while loving it.

We are all stuck in a mobius loop of Sisyphean tasks. As though through malevolent magic, you do the laundry and as soon as you do, new laundry takes its place! During Autumn, many are spending hours raking, blowing or mulching leaves, as the trees themselves mock those efforts by littering the ground with fresh leaves. The leaves…the leaves keep coming! I can only imagine the infinite horror if trees grew dirty laundry.

When you’re driving on a freeway, you are surrounded by potential murderers. People who are so aggressive that they are putting others in danger, those so apathetic of their own safety that they’ll indulge their narcissism rather than ensure full attention to the direction of their 2-ton death-machine (looking at you, texting-while-drivings), and those overly-confident about their abilities that they think they can multi-task to the detriment of everyone else (looking at you, people who shave or put on makeup or dare to look at maps whilst driving). Whether actively or passively, murderers abound. Matthew Broderick is one of these vehicular demon drivers. That’s right, the lovable Ferris killed two people with his car. Are we so sure that he hasn’t gotten the taste of blood, like bears who eat people, and we need to put him down!?!

This isn’t even the general panic of: global warming, the prison system, stigmatizing addiction, ignoring homeless people, general sexism, weaponized sexism, institutional racism, things we don’t even want to talk about like how the new Muppet voices make them sound increasingly demented (particularly when you realize that Kermit doesn’t have eyelids), how faulty human memory is, and not being able to criticize anyone working in an airport despite how blisteringly inept they are.

The world is scary and supernatural enough without us having to invent new villains.