There are few things that raise my ire quite like people trying to force eccentricity just so that they have a manufactured quirk that they think makes them an interesting and individualized unique snowflake of a person. It’s transparent and sad. I have a coworker who only drinks water out of a vase. He tries to pass it off like I’m a square for not understanding that anything can be a drinking vessel, when I want to scream at him that he’s just substituting personality with a fabricated quirk. It’s why people don’t like hipsters.
That said, now that I have a kid, I want to manufacture some eccentricities to embarrass my kid. Granted my kid is only 5 months old, but I have to start planning now so that when she gains sentience she thinks this is just things I do. These are just some thoughts I’m bandying about:
I want to record an album of me whistling Lady GaGa songs then insist all her friends follow me on Spotify if Spotify still exists.
Snot rockets for accuracy.
I can tell her that I was once the World Champion of Connect Four, but there’s no record of it anywhere on the internet because this was an underground tournament, you know, where the real Connectors drop pieces. But then I’d actually have to get really good at Connect Four. Hey, maybe that’s a good eccentricity, actually getting really good at Connect Four.
Don’t drink or do any sort of drugs. . .except quaaludes on weekends and opium on Arbor Day.
Start a snake handling church. But that’s more of a lifestyle. The problem is, I don’t want to have to do a whole lot of work for this. It’s a quirk, not a passion project. I’m not George Lucas adding more CG racial stereotypes to a 20 year old movie.
Start blogging solely about my body oddities and read them aloud at dinner. That’s where this blog has been heading the whole time anyway.
Collect belly button lint, but that’s been done, right? As terrifying as that may be. Okay, scratch this one, it sounds like some serial killer habit.
Tattoos are too big of a commitment, but what if I got really into Henna?
Or, I could just do something really simple and subscribe to a newspaper.
Good luck, kiddo, I’m shaping your personality.