5 Reasons Why Die Hard is NOT a Christmas Movie

My feelings aside, this book is pretty funny.

Tis the season for recycled takes on everything Christmas presented as though they are brand new thoughts. Of those, the one that pokes my armpit the hardest is when people insist that Die Hard is a Christmas movie. It’s not.

There are some movies that defy genre and can exist in multiple spaces at once. Die Hard is not one of those movies. This is an attempt to reframe a movie, but toward what end? Does it change Die Hard’s place in the film lexicon? Does it create the illusion of metatextuality through the most shallow of analysis? Regardless of motivation, this deliberate misrepresentation is a dilution of one of the few holiday-related genres.

  1. If it is a Christmas movie, it’s the only one in which Christmas doesn’t occur. The main argument for Die Hard being a Christmas movie is that it takes place sort of near Christmas. It is set during the Christmas season, but never actually hits Christmas. A main feature of all Christmas movies is, you know, Christmas, usually at the climax or the resolution. The entirety of Die Hard happens pre-Christmas. It’s supposed to be on Christmas Eve, but since when does any office anywhere have their office Christmas party on Christmas Eve? Still no Christmas, though. No actual Christmas, not a Christmas movie.
  2. Christmas is an element of the movie, part of the setting, giving it a time of year, not an essential part of the plot. In Rocky IV they show Rocky’s son having a fully autonomous robot servant, but I wouldn’t call Rocky IV a sci-fi movie, it simply has a sci-fi element. The Wizard of Oz isn’t a disaster movie. James Bond movies aren’t travel films. I wouldn’t call Speed a romance even though Keanu and Sandra hook up in the end. The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade ends each year’s parade with Santa Claus, but that doesn’t make it a Christmas parade.
  3. The only reason people make this assertion is that it feels like some sort of taboo because Die Hard doesn’t have the usual Christmas movie tropes and those people don’t like the usual slate of Christmas movies. I get it, I like watching Die Hard too, but you don’t need an excuse to watch Die Hard. Just watch Die Hard.
  4. Back when it was the arbiter of such things and the reason we needed categories for films, Blockbuster settled this argument. They had one VHS copy and needed to decide where to put it, and they chose Action/Adventure. Stop trying to erase all the good that Blockbuster did for our society just because it is dead.
  5. The sequels have nothing to do with Christmas proving that it’s not a Christmas movie. Most Christmas movies don’t have a sequel, and if they do, they certainly involve Christmas. Tim Allen’s magnum opus, The Santa Clause, has had multiple sequels, and at no point in churning out egregious, unnecessary continuations of the franchise did they decide to focus on Arbor Day or make it a Summer surf movie. Yet Die Hard With a Vengeance? Live Free or Die Hard? Nary a peep about Christmas (though McClane may invoke the name of Jesus from time-to-time).

Those who won’t shut up about Die Hard being a Christmas movie: please just admit you want to make watching Die Hard an annual tradition. It’s okay. It’s a good movie. I would recommend expanding your film palate, but to each their own. All I ask is that you stop trying to recontextualize this action movie as a Christmas movie.

Bonus point: The movie was originally released in July, you know, the usual time studios like to release Christmas movies?

Advertisements

10 Comments

Add yours →

  1. I like to think of Die Hard as a Christmas movie. I see no harm to anyone in that, so will continue to do so.

    Like

    • People like to wallow in self-delusion about a litany of falsely held beliefs without consequence or reason. Sometimes it’s good and healthy to interrogate our beliefs, see why we believe such things. If that holds no interest, then, carry on.

      Like

  2. When civil war finally comes to America, it’s not going to be over abortion or immigration or gay rights.

    It’s going to be about this.

    Die Hard holiday partisans on both sides are ripping this country apart.

    Like

  3. I really must get around to watching that movie some day.

    Like

  4. Hell yeah it is an action movie set around Christmas time

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Die Hard is not a Christmas movie. And in the the second movie (I think it’s the second movie but I’m not sure; it’s the one with the wife on an airplane) they are not in the Los Angeles airport–I think that’s where they’re supposed to be. They’re at Dulles Airport, not far from D.C. How do I know this? At Dulles Airport, when you get on one of the trams to take you from one part of the airport to another part, the tram thingy has to magically rise high enough so that people can get on and off without breaking their necks. Then it settles back down so it can move.The weird trams are shown quite clearly in the movie and I’ve never seen the up and down thing anywhere else. X said that poor planning led to the trams not being level with the building, but I don’t believe anything he ever said, especially “I love you. I want to be married to you forever.” Although 31 years and 11 months did feel as if it were forever.

    Love,
    Janie

    Like

  6. Boyfriend was JUST telling me Die Hard was one of the only Christmas movies he’ll watch (he’s traumatized from a Love Actually viewing a few years ago.) I’m sending him this immediately.

    Like

    • He just wants to watch Die Hard, no harm in that, and perhaps a nice gesture after enduring the horror show that is Love Actually. You just need one more two-word titled movie to round out the Love/Die/____ trilogy. Almost Famous maybe? Cruel Intentions? Dirty Work? Hope Floats? Not sure, I’ll have to workshop that one.

      Like

  7. Oy vey. When will Gentiles ever learn? There’s not even Chinese food in Die Hard. Of course, it’s not a Christmas movie.

    Be well and safe, PVP.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: