Some people have trouble waking up, beating their snooze alarm like an alcoholic dad treated a petulant child in the 1950’s. I, on the other hand, have a nasty habit of waking up and not being able to fall back asleep. My alarm goes off once, I’m awake. It doesn’t matter if it’s 4 AM, once consciousness has set in, there’s no going back. Which is why, there is nothing more frustrating to me than waking up a half-hour before my alarm on a weekday.
What am I supposed to do with that half-hour? Try to fall back asleep? it won’t work. Maybe I can take that half-hour to learn a new language? Perfect my dance moves? It’s not like it happens with regularity so that I can schedule something. It’s just a half-hour spent lamenting that I’m not sleeping.
Waking up a half-hour before your alarm is like pouring a bowl of cereal and only after taking the first bite finding out the milk is bad. Ten minutes before the alarm isn’t as bad, you don’t lose that much sleep, it’s just sort of a jump start on the day. But 20-30 minutes is like being robbed of a power-nap.
Have you ever had a crush? Someone that you pined for over years but couldn’t get up the nerve to ask on a date or even attempt to have a conversation and then you find yourself suddenly stuck in a confined space and you realize this idealized person has just aggressive B.O.? Or maybe you even fall in love with someone, then suddenly, a month after you start dating, that person suddenly and casually, as an aside like everyone agrees, that “9/11 is an inside job and blah blah blah something about the Jews.” That’s exactly what it’s like to wake up a half-hour before your alarm.
You save up for months and months, planned, called AAA and gotten maps and travel tips, learned a new language, used your miles to upgrade to first class, then get to your upgraded suite at the 5-star hotel, only to realize that there’s only a twin bed and you get bed bugs and it rains during your entire vacation and you get food poisoning and while you’re trying to sleep it off the room next to you is having a Furry orgy and they all try to stay in character by screaming animal things in high-pitched voices. That’s what it’s like to wake up a half-hour before your alarm. At least to me, not sure how it is for the rest of you. But I have to imagine it’s similar.
The ultimate message here is: screw you, my stupid, mean, vindictive, passive aggressive brain.