The Newness of Stability

A constant, incessant, persistent myth perpetuated by pop culture is that relationships are boring and the newness of dating around is exciting. I’d say the opposite is true. Granted, I’m a little biased this being my 8 year wedding anniversary (It’s the taxidermy squirrel anniversary. These modern anniversary gifts are getting very specific.) The excitement of dating a new person diminishes after repetitive experiences, while being in a relationship offers new, deeply profound experiences, new challenges and revelations about your self as much as the depth of another person.being single funny

How many “new” first dates can you go on? How many disastrous bridge trolls incapable of a decent human interaction can you endure a meal with before you throw up your hands and become celibate? Is that spark of newness, the excitement that someone is going to willingly allow you to see and explore their naked body really worth all of the sludge and drudgery of weeding out creeps and mentally unstable goblins who have read The Game? I don’t care how many layers of technology are added to allow the sexually voracious to satiate their prurient (not meant pejoratively) desires, single people will never get as much mutually agreed upon naked-slappy-times as people in committed relationships.

I get that there’s that spark, that charge of new experiences that people can get addicted to, but I think in the changing of a relationship, people who have gotten used to/addicted to the charge of a new sexual experience are overlooking all the other new things that come about as a result of becoming comfortable with another person. Opening yourself up to a person, exposing your vulnerabilities, being able to be completely honest is exciting and terrifying. But those new experiences aren’t as celebrated as the instability of dating. Not saying that marriage and relationships aren’t valued in society, to the point where they are almost fetishized, but I am saying that society–at least what I see in pop culture–doesn’t understand the excitement that is inherent in sharing your life with another person.

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If it’s just sex, sure it can get boring, but if you put forward the least bit of effort, it can be really fun and surprising with a person you’re comfortable with. Even people who meet at an S&M club have to get bored with standard whipping after a while until one person feels comfortable enough to say, “Instead of leather and whips, how about we try latex and role play? You be Grape Ape, and I’ll be Magilla Gorilla.” You can’t pop something like that on the first date, you have to warm up to that after you’re both comfortable. That level of comfort is something only a long term relationship can provide.

What I’m trying to say is, in case you’re into brevity, is, dating is like going to a drive-thru, while a long-term relationship is like going to a Michelin Star rated restaurant. Appreciating subtlety, nuance and craftsmanship is what it takes to be in a relationship. If you just want to get full, go ahead and shout your desperation into a grainy microphone through the window of your Toyota Tercel, that’s Tindr and Grindr and Christian Mingle. If you want an experience crafted by a master who has trained on five different continents and includes ingredients you can’t even pronounce, that’s being in a relationship.

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13 Comments

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  1. Happy anniversary.
    I am soooo grateful that I have been out of the dating thing for over 25 years now. From what I have heard, it’s truly dreadful out there in the world of tinder and such.
    My dates these days are more of the dinner and a movies and “kids feed yourself” kinda romance.
    It’s good.
    Now to go dust my taxidermied wombat (us Aussies don’t have squirrels)

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  2. Happy anniversary, you sentimental pickle you. My sister had a taxidermy prairie dog once. Somewhere she found a little Mexican sombrero for it to wear (probably a promotional item that came with a bottle of tequila, I suspect).

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  3. Happy Anniversary you poor delusioned, married pickle, you. Wait until you get where I am at 14 years of marriage. You ‘ll get all kinds of weird crap.

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  4. abeerfortheshower July 18, 2016 — 1:02 pm

    I’ve told the wife that if she ever leaves me or dies that that’s it. I’ll just be a lonely cat lady-guy. I’ve already been on enough bad first dates for a lifetime. I can’t do that again. I just can’t.

    Happy anniversary! I hope you and the missus celebrate by eating at one of those Michelin places you love so much, which is weird, because who the hell eats tires?

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  5. Happy anniversary! Yeah, it’s only been about 5 years of dating with me and Boyfriend, but I’m not sick of him at all. Plus every 3-4 months he gets a haircut, and it’s like dating a whole new guy!

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  6. Happy anniversary hope you have many more wonderful years together I have been married to Tim for 32 years this September and I still love him even if he drives me crazy at times

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  7. Happy Anniversary! I hope your spouse likes your post because it’s quite complimentary. If Willy Dunne Wooters gets lost on his way to my house and never arrives, then I’m done. I’ll never start another new relationship, unless it’s with an adopted dog. I don’t understand the constant need to try out another person.

    Love,
    Janie

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    • I don’t get it either. I much prefer finding out new things about someone I thought I knew. Let’s ask Warren Beatty whom it took dating Madonna and getting put in her weird pseudo-documentary before he said, “what am I doing” and married Annette Benning.

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  8. Happy Anniversary! I didn’t date much before meeting my wife but just like A Beer For The Shower, I’ve already told her that should I ever wind up single again I’m flying solo from there on out. Learning to tolerate the constant presence of just the person my life was hard enough. Having to learn & adjust to someone new… I don’t think I have the people skills for that.

    This doesn’t bode well for our future offspring…

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    • As one who has a recently created, present offspring, it’s rough. Not to sugar coat it, but adjusting to a new person who doesn’t know how not to shit itself nor obey the basic human laws of sleep patterns is torture. It’s like picking up a hitchhiker who is also a paint huffing alcoholic and inviting that stranger to live in your house and suck on boob 8 times a day whilst unpredictably pooping and peeing.

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