Shortsighted Demons

It being the spooky season, I rewatched The Exorcist and it got me wondering, what was the demon Pazuzu’s plan? For that matter, what is any demon’s plan when possessing someone? The Vatican has a whole exorcism division (probably a part of the Marketing department), who go around the world, spending ungodly (tee hee) amounts of Catholic cash on travel expenses just to cast the demon out of someone back to Hell.

But why? What would happen if they just let the demon play it out to its inevitable end?

I mean, dude, possession or not, if I can fly and you try to take that away from me, we’re not friends. I don’t care if you saved my mortal soul, you stole my super power.

Let’s say the demon Pazuzu beats the priest and walks out of the house. Now what? It embarks on a series of blasphemous acts? Congratulations, now you’re a novelty performance artist reliant on shock in an increasingly jaded society. And if it happened today? Sorry, demon, it’s the internet age, there’s nothing that shocking anymore. We have world leaders in black face and god-knows-what the American President is doing in the five minutes since I wrote this.

Is the goal to condemn a mortal soul? Wouldn’t God or whoever is in charge of admissions in Heaven make considerations knowing that the soul was possessed? I don’t have to pay the speeding ticket if someone else pulled over while driving my car.

Long term planning is rarely the strong suit of any of horror movie antagonist, but in this case the demon, an otherworldly being with eons of experience, has to know this is a short-term vacation at best. Maybe, it being eternally damned, these demons are looking for a break, a brief respite from the cycle of torment and are just short-sighted? Like when I hide in the bathroom for 20 minutes at work? Is that the demon’s goal, to live a full life as a person on Earth?

How long before the demon is trapped in some mundane conversation and forgets that it’s an emissary of Hell. “Can you believe this weather, Brandon? It’s autumn in the morning and summer in the afternoon. It’s hotter than the brand I used to jam in the urethra of the damned, am I right!?! Where are you going? Hey, don’t narc me out to HR! Dude!”

Maybe the demons get high off of Holy Water and the thrill of battling priests and the church is just giving them their fix. Stop enabling demons, Catholics!

“We got your x-rays back and…well…you have brain goblins.”

I’m not saying that we should just forfeit some kid’s mortal soul, but if we just give the demon a little bit of rope, if the demon had to experience just a taste of life as a teenager, just a moment of puberty, they would abandon this whole soul possession thing and tell all their demon buddies that it isn’t worth it. Then maybe we wouldn’t have to say, “bless you,” every time someone sneezed.

Or maybe it’s all a nonsense manifestation of the insecurities involved with the loss of parental control and societies grotesque mishandling and stigmatization of mental illness? Who knows. Maybe I am currently a demon possessed vessel writing this to obfuscate an otherworldly nefarious scheme (what a dream to not be responsible for my actions).

Happy Halloween! (Or “Fall Festival” if you’re one of those people who’s still riding that Satanic Panic wave.)


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  1. Had a small problem signing in. Might have been brain goblins screwing with me again. Good times.
    Welcome back to the blogosphere. It’s been a while.


  2. These thoughts are too deep for the likes of me, I must say. Welcome back, stranger! I’ve missed your writing and quirky views.


  3. Debra She Who Seeks October 29, 2019 — 7:06 am

    Signing in to your WordPress comments is giving me trouble too. I left a previous message but it hasn’t shown up — it will be in your spam folder, I suspect. Please check! I’ll try a different way to sign in and see if that works better.


  4. This was one long laugh, thanks


  5. I’ve never seen The Exorcist, but I read the book. The book was more than enough for me. Recently I discovered the “true story” behind The Exorcist. I have no idea if it was a real situation, but the man who experienced it when he was a child doesn’t give interviews. When all those demons break free, they turn into priests who are pedophiles.



    • Suuuuuure, but, uh, I was going for a more light-hearted take on the whole phenomenon. You know, trying to avoid the whole “people we trust are using their position to prey upon children causing a deep personal and societal trauma,” angle.


  6. Heyyyyy welcome back!!

    *whispers* i’ve never seen the exorcist.



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