Office Party Fun Times

It’s office party season!

Office party! Office holiday party!

Where having fun is a rarity!

Office party, people getting naughty,

You’re not having fun unless your memory is spotty!

That was the Office Holiday Party theme song. It is to office holiday parties to what Auld Lang Syne is to New Years. Go ahead, try it, I’m sure that upwards of noone will join in to the

While us office drones are obligated to attend our own office holiday parties around the next couple of weeks, the more sinister obligation is to attend the office holiday party of our significant others. Though attending my own office party, which mirrors most others–available alcohol, early exit from authority, and a debilitated workforce on a Friday because it was scheduled on a Thursday for a cheaper rate–I do LOVE attending other people’s office holiday parties.

That’s right, while you dread attending your own holiday–no, I won’t say “Christmas” because I am on the front lines of the War on Christmas, one of the Illuminati’s top generals, also, if you think there actually is a War on Christmas, go read about Saturnalia for a true look at what a war against a religious festival looks like–I look forward to attending the holiday parties of other offices.

While, generally, that could cause anxiety or fear of small talk or forgetting someone’s name, as an impartial observer it means free booze and a true study of the depths of human pettiness. Some people just see boring office talk, I, on the other hand, see a small scale version of

Image Source
Image Source

“House of Cards.” Just because people aren’t murdering rivals (whoops, spoilers) doesn’t mean the human drama is any less fascinating.

The office manager will make some sort of speech. When that happens, look around, see how those she/he manages react. Blank stares? Euphoric? Rolling eyes and whispering to one another? Lustful? Making notes for future conquest? Thanks to television, middle management turns into “Game of Thrones.”

You can make a game of it too: Who will get drunk too quickly? Which married person is obviously going to be cheating? Can you guess whose nipple will be exposed first?

office party santa lap dance
There’s probably a Rudolph or Santa’s sleigh or some chimney joke here.

Gather all of the other ancillary attendees (aka: significant others) and create some games like, who can inspire the harshest curse or a scavenger hunt of office-specific items/toupees/merkins.

Office parties of all sorts can be spectacular if you work at it…

Oh who am I kidding? It doesn’t matter whose office party it is, they’re all BORING. You win. Are you proud of yourself? I was trying to help and you ruined the placebo effect. Enjoy your office party, if you dare.


Add yours →

  1. My days of office parties are long gone. But the underlying issue is that many of us just don’t care to party with people we work with…rather be with true friends outside the workplace. And some people get pretty stupid when there is free liquor!


  2. I grin and bear my office xmas party every year, but My Rare One LOVES it, absolutely LOVES it. I suspect it’s really why we reconciled again — just in time for her to attend it again!


  3. I don’t go to these things because I don’t play well with others. I have too much work to do to be around those people wasting time when I don’t have to be.

    You do make it sound like a blast, though, in a sort of First World Problems sort of way!


  4. I’ve never enjoyed an office party, whether it was mine or X’s. One year his company’s party was held in a nice hotel, Each table had about a million glasses on it. I thought we were going to have wine tastings or a different wine with every course. Wrong! They were just extra glasses, so X and I built a tower out of them. Some party pooper server who was just doing his job came around and dismantled our tower. That tower was the most fun I’ve ever had at an office party, and it wasn’t fun at all.



  5. Never really had an office party at my workplace. On Christmas eve night we would bring a buttload of food and leave it in the Lab lunch area. The ambulance and fire department crews that came by the hospital would stop in and eat with us and the ER crew. It wasn’t great like an all out buzz fest but it was fun getting together with friends. We did play football once with saline IV bags that were expired.


  6. Haven’t been to a works Christmas party in years like 15 years and then I only went because Tim wanted to go and we didn’t have a good time


  7. Ugh, don’t say office party! I’m still trying to figure out how to get out of going to mine. I’m currently working on an elaborate scheme where I call in sick to work the day of the party and…well that’s it, I will just call in sick. Think they’ll fall for it?


  8. We get a Wednesday afternoon hour-and-a-half-slot alcohol-free “party” in a conference room on the premises. WILD and CRAZY. Plus side: excuse to escape cubicle for a few brief minutes during the day, venturing forth into the wild like a timid and confused chipmunk.


  9. Yep, mine is next week. Thankfully, it’s during the work day, and families aren’t invited. Yay for low budget parties!


  10. I’ve never worked in an office, so I’ve never been to that kind of Christmas party. I did once go to a Christmas party for a company where you do all the work by yourself across the city, so all the people there had only met a couple of times.

    My radio station tries to hold parties, but nobody goes to them. Suddenly you start hearing talk of an after-party at a nightclub somewhere and you go there and everyone at the station turns up.


  11. Not even sure if we will have any sort of office Christmas celebration. Maybe a dinner somewhere but nothing like the old days.
    These days you are at risk of being reprimanded for getting boozed and playing up


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