The Joys of Swearing

For this blog, and my previous home of insane thoughts (RIP pickleope.com), I refrain from outright cursing. This isn’t because I dislike cursing–oh no, quite the contrary. If I had to describe my hobbies, it would be: writing absurd idiocy on the internet, mastery of Connect Four, and advanced biomechanics (what? Not believable?). If I had to talk about my true, innate skills, the one thing I would be able to list with confidence is, “precision yet abundant swearing.” I love swearing, almost as much as raccoons love being dicks (not a curse when used non-anatomically).

George Carlin 7 Dirty Words
“George Carlin’s 7 Dirty Words” by Augie Pagan. Link to Pagan’s work.

 

I don’t tap into my idiot savantism for swearing on this blog, not for moral reasons, but because imposing this limitation forces me to be a little more creative to avoid arbitrary societal condemnation. Also, this blog is for children…hold on, I think I misspelled “childish.” Cursing can be the most appropriate reaction to a situation, a set of swear words can contain the best word for a sentence. Besides, as I alluded to, what some people consider swear words are arbitrary. My grandma used to force my mother to say “lunch bag” because she thought “lunch sack” was dirty.

Sometimes a swear word is the most fun word. Yesterday, my work day started off unexpectedly and beautifully, thanks to the joys of swearing. My CEO pulled into the parking lot at the same time as I did. As we walked into the office, he told me how he had to explain in Spanish to some construction workers that they shouldn’t enter the parking lot through the exit. I explained that most of my Spanish knowledge is relegated to the curse words. I could be considered bilingual if all you wanted to do was know Spanish insults. Apparently, you can’t make a claim like that without inducing some curiosity.

And now you know how to curse a bit in ASL. You're welcome.
And now you know how to curse a bit in ASL. You’re welcome. Image source (aka a lot more dirty sign language)

This is how I came to teach my CEO all of the Spanish curse words I know, first thing in the morning. And to my delight, I know a lot of Spanish curse words, and a couple of Italian swears…and how to call people an “American pig” in French. I’m going to take this incident as a beautiful harbinger for the year.

Kids out there, if you are going to try swearing, learn to master it, including becoming bilingual proficient. All vocabulary, including swear words, are a great tool if you know how to use it properly (I’m trying to qualify for a “.edu” on my URL).

What are some of the Spanish curse words? Here’s a link.

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15 Comments

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  1. Recently, I saw a post on face book (or was it in a blog) of the appropriate times to use the F word. It was pretty funny. I know no other curse words in foreign language.

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  2. I don’t curse very often on my blog. Mostly it’s an impact thing: If I curse in a blog post, I’m either emphasizing something or quoting someone.

    I have a hard enough time getting people to listen to me without giving them another excuse not to.

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  3. I don’t tend to swear an awful lot on my own blog. No, I go to other people’s blogs and leave comments in which I swear like a fuckin’ sailor sonovabitch all the goddamn mofo time.

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  4. I usually go visit Debrashewhoseeks blog.

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  5. I love saying “vaffanculo” to anyone who doesn’t know what it means.

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  6. I don’t curse as much as I did when Lola wrote my blog. She had quite a mouth on her. What a slut. Merde.

    Love,
    Janie

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  7. It probably comes as no surprise when I say I’ve picked up a few Japanese swear words.

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  8. I love reading your shit but feel guilty if I leave an F-bomb in the comments. I reserve that for my blog. Anyone is able to swear in comments, just not at me.

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  9. ‘Concha’ doesn’t mean seashell???? I have some apologizing to do.

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  10. I was a little afraid to go look at those Spanish swears because after living in a Spanish-speaking country, I was worried that I would recognize some of the words as things I thought were nice that people had said to me, yet inexplicably with a smirk on their face. But thank goodness, no one called me bad names! Hmmm, unless my memory isn’t so great.

    What were we talking about?

    Oh, good job on impressing the CEO. You’ve given him knowledge he will appreciate for years to come!

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  11. If you’re only going to learn a few words in a foreign language, the swears are definitely the ones with the most impact. They may not get you the things you need, but they will have impact…

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  12. Antisocial Patty January 11, 2015 — 9:45 pm

    I speak two languages, and I’m very proud of the fact that I can curse creatively in both. I don’t curse on my blog, but in real life? Look out. I’m glad you could help your boss with his communication skills. I’m surprised he got to be CEO without knowing how to tell someone to chupe la verga.

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  13. I love swearing. Luckily our CEO is a curser, so I don’t have to sweat if i let the four letter words fly in front of him.

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