Inspector of Minutia

Does anybody here know a Garment/Clothing Inspector? In select pieces of clothing, there seems to be an inspector sticker, mostly in underwear, where it can do the most damage. And in 90% of clothing, you won’t find the sticker yourself, it will find you. While the sticker seems innocuous, something that’s part of the clothing system, a thing the size of a baby’s iris, completely inconsequential, it is infuriating.

There! Right there on the left, that seems to be a carefully placed sticker. Nefarious.
There! Right there on the left, that seems to be a carefully placed sticker. Nefarious.

Why do we need it? What’s the point? Why the sticker!?! Were there no meter maid jobs available? Sorry, I was getting lost in a rage typhoon. But I think my questions are legitimate.

Is there a reason we need garment inspectors? Was there a rash of rashes caused by inferior dyes being used by Hanes? Was “Big Undies” cutting corners and using steel wool on their underwear and passing it off as cotton? Were there t-shirts infused with asbestos crafted by a disgruntled Fruit of the Loom? Perhaps the actor who portrayed the apple, or the only black guy who’s mad about how racist it is he’s only allowed to play purple grapes?

Okay, that's grapes, apple, racist purple grapes, aaaannnnddd cannabis? Marijuana isn't a fruit, it's a vegetable, we all know that. What's the deal, Fruit of the Loom, you couldn't think of one more fruit? You only have two fruit varieties in your mascots/logo. Lazy.
Okay, that’s grapes, apple, racist purple grapes, aaaannnnddd cannabis? Marijuana isn’t a fruit, it’s a vegetable, we all know that. What’s the deal, Fruit of the Loom, you couldn’t think of ONE other fruit? You only have two fruit varieties in your mascots/logo. Lazy…like your product! BOOM, obscure blogger slam!

What is the inspector inspecting? “Hmm, seems both of the legs are of equidistance and…hey, wait a minute, the fly opening is on the side of the right leg! Nice try, Professor Moriarity Levis!” Are they insuring government secrets aren’t being passed through the fibers of pajama pants? Why are they on some garments and not on others!?! Why can’t you put the stupid sticker on the outside of the underwear?

For all I know, an inspector is just a wiener dog...who am I kidding, I included this picture because of the URL.
For all I know, an inspector is just a wiener dog…who am I kidding, I included this picture because of the URL.

Even if there is a reason for the inspections, there are probably a hundred ways to account for the inspections outside of a sticker the size of anxious kitten’s anus while drinking around Bill Cosby (it’s puckered and clenched, I’m saying it’s small). Those stupid little stickers are annoying. They survive clothes washers and seem to hunt for the longest, most entangling dark-and-curly it can find. Why not include an inspector asterisk on the price tag or a disclaimer on the laundry label. Or maybe include the disclaimer on the annoying manufacturers’ label.

This is why I turn to you, the internet, in hopes of finding “Inspector 48” or any other garment inspector whom I can interrogate/ask polite questions and receive unsatisfying answers.

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15 Comments

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  1. None of us are going to know the inspector if we live in the United States.

    The inspector is no doubt on Saipan or somewhere. And he’s probably 6 years old. And works 80 hours a week with one break. An d worked his way up to inspector from a lower position after 3 years in the industry.

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  2. Interesting, can’t say I’ve ever thought that much about it. But go for it…maybe you will get an interview.

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  3. “We appreciate your interest in our company. So, why do you think you’ll make a good clothing inspector?”

    “I’m very good at determining if something will keep me from being naked.”

    “You’re hired!”

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  4. Sometimes the sticker has a name: “Your item was inspected by Joanne” or Pat or Dipstick. I hate that. I don’t like knowing that people played with my undies before I got them.

    Love,
    Janie

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  5. debrashewhoseeks January 15, 2015 — 1:48 pm

    Grapes? I always thought those were hemorrhoids. Hey, you gotta admit it’s a better thematic fit for underwear than fruit.

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  6. Looking for “Inspector 48”. Have you called the company that sells the garment?
    By the way – that last “fruit of the loom,” is chard. You can figure it out, right?

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  7. I used to be a Quality Control inspector when I worked for GTE back in the 80’s. When you inspect something, it’s mainly to find flaws in the product and have them corrected before the consumer buys it. It’s the same everywhere, even in the garment industry. If they find a flaw in the garment, it’s either fixed like a hemline, seam, or whatever or trashed. They use the tags to signify the garment is good and the manufacturer can ship the item. If there is no tag the item was not inspected. It’s the same everywhere in manufacturing.

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  8. I have no idea what this sticker is. I come from a paradise where they don’t exist.

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