Does anybody here know a Garment/Clothing Inspector? In select pieces of clothing, there seems to be an inspector sticker, mostly in underwear, where it can do the most damage. And in 90% of clothing, you won’t find the sticker yourself, it will find you. While the sticker seems innocuous, something that’s part of the clothing system, a thing the size of a baby’s iris, completely inconsequential, it is infuriating.
Why do we need it? What’s the point? Why the sticker!?! Were there no meter maid jobs available? Sorry, I was getting lost in a rage typhoon. But I think my questions are legitimate.
Is there a reason we need garment inspectors? Was there a rash of rashes caused by inferior dyes being used by Hanes? Was “Big Undies” cutting corners and using steel wool on their underwear and passing it off as cotton? Were there t-shirts infused with asbestos crafted by a disgruntled Fruit of the Loom? Perhaps the actor who portrayed the apple, or the only black guy who’s mad about how racist it is he’s only allowed to play purple grapes?
What is the inspector inspecting? “Hmm, seems both of the legs are of equidistance and…hey, wait a minute, the fly opening is on the side of the right leg! Nice try, Professor Moriarity Levis!” Are they insuring government secrets aren’t being passed through the fibers of pajama pants? Why are they on some garments and not on others!?! Why can’t you put the stupid sticker on the outside of the underwear?
Even if there is a reason for the inspections, there are probably a hundred ways to account for the inspections outside of a sticker the size of anxious kitten’s anus while drinking around Bill Cosby (it’s puckered and clenched, I’m saying it’s small). Those stupid little stickers are annoying. They survive clothes washers and seem to hunt for the longest, most entangling dark-and-curly it can find. Why not include an inspector asterisk on the price tag or a disclaimer on the laundry label. Or maybe include the disclaimer on the annoying manufacturers’ label.
This is why I turn to you, the internet, in hopes of finding “Inspector 48” or any other garment inspector whom I can interrogate/ask polite questions and receive unsatisfying answers.