Swinging My Naked Carcass Before the World

There have been a lot of embarrassing revelations recently. Mainly, the former users of Ashley Madison were outed as infidelious (even if they had open marriages or really really good reasons for cheating or were just jerks). So, I want to get ahead of any embarrassing revelations by laying my personal life completely bare for all to see. Before anyone else can “out” me through some sort of hacking, I would like to confess my darkest, most embarrassing secret (though a rich quilt could be woven out of my internet search history, this is not that disclosure.).

Wow, this is tough to admit. I mean, once I commit it to writing there’s no turning back, right? I just have to get it out there, then no secrets can get before me if I readily admit and get ahead of any rumors. Okay…Okay…Wow…Okay, I got this I think…I–

I got caught up in the late 90’s Swing music movement.

I never got to "aerial dance moves" level of swing dancing
I never got to “aerial dance moves” level of swing dancing

There are reasons that some would call “excuses” that I could use to explain my spending money on concerts and CD’s of bands the likes of Big Bad Voodoo Daddy–Oh god, did none of the bands of this era think of how embarrassing it would be to say their silly band names out loud? Or maybe they were trying to warn us of the silliness of this epoch by using names like Squirrel Nut Zippers and Red And The Red Hots? Why didn’t I recognize how dumb swing music was when I was saying “one ticket for Cherry Poppin’ Daddies” to a concert venue vendor!?!

There are reasons for my shame: I am predisposed to like music with brass sections. Ska music? Love it! Jazz Fusion…Dammit, that’s not a real excuse, I don’t like all music with horns, pretty much just Ska and Swing. Everyone was doing it! There were multiple movies featuring Swing music: Swingers, The Mask, uh and uh probably some movie featuring the Brian Setzer Orchestra. We were all engulfed in the tsunami of Swing!

In my defense, I didn’t get so steeped in the 90’s swing revival that I bought the clothes…although, I did own a pocket watch for a number of years. And I did take a swing dancing lesson. BUT! But that lesson was part of the opening act for a Royal Crown Revue concert! That’s not much of a defense is it? They had swing dancing lessons because they couldn’t find an opening act, didn’t they? OH GOD, I SWING DANCED!

The creator of this pun-based comic should be as ashamed of her/himself as I am.
The creator of this pun-based comic should be as ashamed of her/himself as I am for using it.

This is painful for me to admit, but I don’t want this coming out in some sort of mass-Swing-hack. I don’t want to end up on the news, crying, explaining my past actions in front of the press with John Favreau sullenly rubbing my back in consolation. I know what Lindy Hop means! I still own some Big Bad Voodoo Daddy CDs–I still have CDs! The shame spiral knows no bottom.

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7 Comments

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  1. I’m sure glad I don’t have anything embarrassing in my past.

    Or I guess what I mean to say is:
    I’ve never had to knock on wood, but I know someone who has.
    It makes me wonder if I could.
    It makes me wonder if I’ve never had to knock on wood.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I share your shame, Pickleope. I was a fan of the 90s swing revival too. I honestly thought the revival was going to last awhile because that music is SO GREAT, but it was over in the blink of an eye. I only managed to buy one compilation CD called “Jive Alive” — and my even dirtier secret is that I still play it . . . .

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  3. I love Squirrel Nut Zippers. I would have gone swing dancing if I could dance. I’m ashamed of so many things that I never tell the truth about anything. I’m not even sure who I am. Oh, that’s multiple personality disorder or schizophrenia or something. That explains it.

    Love,
    Janie

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  4. I-I’m trying to come to terms with this… At least I don’t so bad now for buying all those knit hats back in ’05 when they were all the rage. You’re right, though. Those were some terrible, terrible band names.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Well, I’ve certainly never done anything I’m embarrassed about. It was just someone who LOOKED a lot like me doing those things. For what it’s worth I really like the swing music of the Big Band era. Besides, I’m not much of a dancer so I try to play in the band.

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  6. That is a great idea for a post! (And I love the swing pun…)

    Sadly, I don’t really remember the swing revival. Maybe I blocked it from my memories…

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  7. abeerfortheshower August 3, 2015 — 9:30 am

    I’ve always liked swing, so I too was a fan of the 90s revival. And the terrible band names (WTF is a Squirrel Nut Zipper anyway?). But my embarrassing secret is that I love old timey dancing. I can Charleston like a motherf**ker, and I will not hesitate to embarrass the wife by doing this publicly as needed.

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