How to Be a Victim

It’s strange to me how badly people want to think of themselves as a victim. This latest presidential pre-pre-election fear-orgy is a parade of logical fallacies trying to convince voters that they are all victims and need the candidate to lead these poor collection of self-martyred underdogs to triumph over the latest scapegoat. And the people love it. There are Christians screaming about religious persecution despite the fact that 83% of the U.S. identifies as Christian. There are rich white entertainers screaming about how they are the victim of “out-of-control P.C. police!” It’s everywhere and it’s exhausting.

Image Source
Image Source

Being a victim seems like a fetish people love it so much. “People are persecuting the Southern man by taking away the Confederate Flag!?! I am so turned on right now. I have to go masturbate, then I’m going to go scream about history while standing next to a Klan member and pretend that I have a valid argument. This is so sexy.” It’s part of people’s absolute love affair with outrage. If you’re a victim, you get to taste that sweet nectar of outrage. It’s why biker gangs call themselves “outlaws” so that they can claim they’re being persecuted by the establishment. And I’m talking about being part of a group that’s being victimized by the majority, not the victim of a robbery.

Let’s just all agree that we’re victims in some way. The problem with that is it takes away from actual sufferers of societal injustice. When everyone’s a victim, no one is. Are you a victim in some way? Take my quiz and find out:

  1. Are you a member of a minority group subjected to systematic discrimination?
Image Source
Image Source

Yeah, that’s it. By the way, being a victim doesn’t imbue you with special rights, privileges or insight. “I didn’t realize that as a woman, I make less money than a man in the same position. I am a victim! What is this feeling? Why am I glowing? Being a victim of discrimination has allowed me to float and the secrets of the universe have laid themselves open at my feet! My skin is impervious to knives and fire. All arguments against anything I say are invalid because I. Am. A. Victim!”

There are a lot of great perks, in fact, to not being a victim. The only draw back of being part of the group that’s inherently advantaged is that you have to actually think of a nuanced, well-thought-out argument to try and not grant equal rights to a minority class which would somehow diminish your privilege. Which no sane person can do, so instead, the privileged have to try and paint themselves as suffering from a system from which they inherently benefit.

Beware anyone who tries to claim their rights are being taken away by giving rights to others or impeding their ability to deny others equality.


Add yours →

  1. I liked the Occupy movement, but they sort of characterized this.

    In Houston, they set up in a park, expecting to be chased out. Our lesbian, Christian-persecuting mayor said, “Fine, let Occupy set up in the park.”

    So they got no media attention.

    Occupy Houston had no choice but to start doing stupid stuff to make the city come down on their heads – so that they could complain about the city coming down on their heads!

    Their ill-considered mission required that they become victims in the media.

    I make a lousy victim, and for this I am always being persecuted by all the victiums out there. It’s just not fair!


  2. As a Christian, I’m sick of shit like the so-called war on Christmas. People say Happy Holidays because they hate Christians! Blah blah blah blah. When I started college in 1977 or thereabouts, I worked part time as the switchboard operator in a Macy’s store. During the Christmas season, I was instructed to answer the phone by saying “Happy Holidays! This is Macy’s.” Fast forward about thirty years, and my retirement job is selling sportswear in–you guessed it–a Macy’s. When we had a staff meeting at the beginning of the Christmas season, a manager instructed us to say “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays” or whatever we felt comfortable saying. I felt most comfortable with “Fuck you,” but that’s another story. I told my customers “Merry Christmas” or “Peace be with you.” Obviously, I had more freedom in 2008 than I did in 1978. But there’s a war on Christmas. Go figure. I also get really tired of people who bitch about how we have to be “politically correct.” To me, politically correct usually means being polite and including people in groups where they belong anyway. Politically correct is replacing “retard” with “developmentally disabled.” Politically correct is saying “mail carrier” instead of “mailman.” What the fuck is the big deal? Besides, do people really HAVE to be politically correct? I see an awful lot of rudeness. Look at the racial attacks on President Obama. Oh, fuck you and the persecution horse you rode in on (not you, Pickleope).


    Liked by 1 person

    • I totally agree. Especially with the phrase you felt most comfortable using to greet people with around the Holidays.


      • Well, I love you both, JJ and Pickelope Von Pickleope, but tell me “Merry Christmas” and I’ll tell you where to go and celebrate it. Having been the only Jew in my class throughout school, and facing all the Christmas stuff and greetings year after year for going on 49 years now, it feels dismissive. I’m not in a War against Christmas. I’ve enjoyed Christmas. But I much prefer folks tell me “Happy Holidays.”


  3. My sister loves to be the victim and I know that is not the nicest thing to say about her but it is the truth she seems to always enjoy being the victim and it is so annoying


  4. Ah yes, majority victims (looking at you, white male christians in america) are the most annoying.

    Quasi related – I think I read something where Kim Davis’ husband said that the KY Gov needs to interfere in her case and “do his job or resign” which is possibly the most ironic thing ever considering *whispers* that’s what Kim needs to do…


  5. I feel victimized by this post, Pickleope Von Pickleope. I can’t undo the image of those circus pants.


  6. Pickleope, I can’t unsee what has been seen. I’m a victim of circuspants. OMG! I’ve been traumatized for life!


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