No More Controversy

teach the controversy
No, this post is the opposite of controversy. Ignore this image. No controversy, I swear.

I am tired of writing divisive posts. It feels bad when people openly and vehemently disagree with me. Sometimes my complexly simple, airtight arguments are met with ill-conceived, straw-man counterarguments which were already dealt with and disputed in the original post and are wrapped in ad hominem attacks. I don’t need that redundant stress of restating my argument. So, no more. Only completely benign topics that everyone agrees with from now on. I want nothing but positive affirmations.

I’m new to this, so, please give me some leeway. Here we go:

Some drugs are great. Sure, there are addiction issues with any drug, even the softest of drugs, like heroin, but when used in moderation, drugs are fantastic. Take caffeine for instance. Rarely do coffee advocates get shamed for habitually drinking java. Thus, I think we can all agree, some drugs are absolutely spectacular. Thank you for pre-agreeing with me.

Again, this is the antithesis of what I'm trying to accomplish.
Again, this is the antithesis of what I’m trying to accomplish.

Similarly, good food is yummy. But sometimes, some food can be gross.

(Oh jeezus, this is terrible.)

Uh, babies are cute, if they’re your babies. Especially if they’re Asian babies…Is that racist?

(I’m flailing here. How do you choose non-controversial topics? If I just took pictures of my food, people would still be pissed because of how lame and mundane it is, right? Oh crap, I’m doomed.)

Oh no, I’m losing my mind here. Uh. Damn. Uh. Oh no. Uh. PUPPIES AND KITTENS AND PUPPIES AND KITTENS AND PUPPIES AND KITTENS AND BUNNIES AND GOATS THAT SCREAM LIKE PEOPLE.

It's too much cute. TOO MUCH! My brain can't handle the cute!
It’s too much cute. TOO MUCH! My brain can’t handle the cute!

This sucks. Screw being liked. HEY, guys with beards/people too lazy to shave, learn how to trim that unkempt mess you call a face. Show some effort, gross dudes. Whew, that felt great.

Baristas have no future and we all goofed by not being professional DJ’s! Sorry, I’m sorry, I had to get that out.

Advertisements

10 Comments

Add yours →

  1. My dear, you are welcome to rant all you want, as far as I’m concerned. I like to see real opinions!

    Like

  2. I agree with every word you say! You are so smart, Pickleope. And good looking too.

    Like

  3. If you were going to be that uncontroversial, you should have stayed at blogger, where they are soon purging questionable blogs.

    I’m switching over to gifs of kittens struggling not fall asleep.

    Like

  4. I don’t think calling Asian babies cute is racist. They are cute! Well… the cute ones, anyway. But I have to ask… Why are there only white animals in that photo? Sure, some have these washed-out stripes & small traces of black on their ears but I think we can all agree that just an obvious attempt at feigning diversity. Aren’t black puppies cute too? Would a calico kitten not be considered “pure” enough for the photo? Frankly, I’m a little bit disappointed you’d be perpetuating this subliminal brainwashing.

    Like

  5. “Some” food is gross? I’d go as far as to say more than just “some” food is gross. And while we’re on the topic, what kind of food are we talking about? If pigs are food, then surely humans must be food too? Do we not both have brains? I have this post highly offensive!

    Like

  6. Go back to being you, please. I can’t take this version of Pickleope. I do wish you’d talk to Willy Dunne Wooters about shaving. He shaves three or four times a week. The little bristles on his face make me itchy.

    Love,
    Janie

    Like

  7. abeerfortheshower March 1, 2015 — 7:01 pm

    I don’t think Asian babies are cute at all… simply because I don’t think any babies are cute. Is there a word for baby hater? Uh, let’s change the topic before someone invents that word.

    Also, if you don’t ever want anyone to take you seriously again, just put DJ in front of your name. Example: “DJ George Washington.”

    Like

    • You know what’s sad, people wouldn’t take me seriously, but I’d make MILLIONS! You know who the most successful member of “The Jersey Shore” is? DJ Pauly D. This will be depressing, but from being a DJ, last year, that spiky haired nimrod made over $10 million dollars. Let that sink in. We should all be DJs.

      Like

  8. I agree and/or support your positions! Positive affirmations! Positive affirmations! You is smart, you is kind, you is important!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: