If you haven’t seen it, a man’s love letter to his–sorry, a man’s public blog post admiring his wife’s body and celebrating his fetish went viral this past week. No judgement, (slight judgement) if dude wants to publicly objectify her, go ahead. But don’t expect to be heralded as a hero for being attracted to your wife while simultaneously insulting her, focusing solely on her body, ignoring anything about her as a person.
If he’s confused about people being off-put by his bizarre need to publicly reaffirm his physical attraction to his wife, then here’s what the reverse looks like:
I love my husband’s super gross wart-riddled weeping soared uncut micro-dong.
It’s gross. Downright nasty by societal standards. If a well-adjusted member of society who adheres to societal norms saw his hangnail of a skin tag-sized penis, that person would probably vomit.
I love him but I’m special because I’m great. Anyone unfortunate enough to see my husband’s penis would say that it’s vile. But me? I’m open minded, and by that, I mean I have a specific fetish for phallic objects twisted in unnatural angles that also look like Freddy Krueger’s face.
Anybody else with any sense of propriety or decency or self-worth would certainly say that my husband’s wiener looks like a miniaturized version of a worn out doggy chew toy left in the sun on the asphalt in Arizona.
But I am absolutely in love with not being certain if he has entered me or not. Some uncouth people may classify my husband’s micro-penis as being an atrophied clitoris after it was attacked by a rabid badger, but I still think that gnarled lil’ weeping sore nubbin is gorgeous.
Of course I know other people find this thing he can’t change without expensive surgery, absolutely vile. But I am am exemplary person. Did I mention how I love this truly, objectively disgusting thing attached to a reprehensible creature?
Congratulate me. I am the greatest person for voluntarily loving this thing, this horrific creature most of you would rather light yourself on fire than put in your mouth, your body, your un-wiped anus, your ear (It’s that small, it can fit. Some people find that off-putting, I enjoy the novelty of it.). I am a hero, my husband and his absolutely disgusting by societal standards nubbin dong just facilitates my heroism.